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Oh my friends. The past few weeks have been a maelstrom of nose wiping, forehead kissing and night wakings. And I’m just talking about my husband. Ba-dum-bump.

In combination, the three of us have been sick for at least two weeks. Maybe more — it’s hard to remember. Nothing serious, just colds that have made us tired and snotty and unmotivated. In the middle of all that, we had Christmas and New Year’s (we stayed home from a party, thanks head colds!) and an expected but still very sad death in the family. Oh, and the Polar Vortex and anxiously looking out windows and wondering if the plowing company would ever show up since at least one of us might need a trip to the doctor if and when they ever opened their offices again.

All that to say I’ve missed writing, but every time I had time to do it, all I felt like doing was napping, or watching trashy TV, or cooking something more complicated than ravioli. But I’m back now, I’ve done what you’re supposed to do as a writer and sat down to just write something, anything.

In this case, it seems I’m writing about winter. Dark winter with icicle teeth and definite ideas about what you should wear and when the entire city should troop out to buy milk and bread and eggs. Or maybe illness, that unexplained, unscheduled stop that makes your baby a piteous bundle of snotty coughing and knocks everyone’s sleep schedule (almost) back to newborn days.

But hey, my Christmas flowers (above) are still going strong and a neighbor just made it up the freshly plowed communal driveway, so things are looking up.

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Every day since we put the tree up, often more than once a day, the following conversation takes place.

Boo: Moose!

Me: Yes, that’s the moose! Hi, moose!

Boo, holding out one hand: Meet!

Me: Nice to meet you, moose!

Boo: Ainge!

Me: Yes, that’s an angel. Where are the other ones?

Boo pointing to one of a dozen other tiny straw angels: Othe! Ove!

Me: Yep, there’s one over there too.

Boo: (unintelligible)

Me: Yes, that’s the squirrel! He’s eating a nut! (Here I mime eating a nut.)

Boo: Funny! Meet!

Me, shaking his hand: Nice to meet you, squirrel!

When he gets to the penguin, he never fails to mention that Daddy put it up, and that it’s up high (relatively speaking).

We’re all going to be sad to take the tree down.

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You are 22 months old.

You love picking out Daddy’s coffee mug every morning.

You beg for your vitamin…. all day long.

You do not enjoy having your hair washed, despite the purchase of a device that keeps your eyes and ears free of water and which you were happy about (for one bath).

You attended your first holiday party and were respectful of the hostess’ belongings while enjoying the raisins from the snack mix.

You enjoy applying lotion. Well, if you can call slapping yourself applying…

You played with a parts organizer for half an hour the morning Mama ordered your Christmas gifts.

You went straight to one of your gifts at Gymboree a few days ago and had to be wheedled away from it when our class was beginning.

You use a potholder correctly when you play-cook along with Mama.

You love to climb up on the rocker in your room, and insist on sitting next to whoever is reading to you (NOT on their lap).

You are beginning to say “milk” instead of “meeps”

You say “kabaga” instead of kaboom, usually when you’re flinging yourself on the floor during the hour before bedtime commonly referred to as Tasmanian Devil Time.

You have a renewed interest in your boy baby doll. In particular, you like to take all his clothes off and then have Mama put them back on so you can take them off again.

You are very keen on the 8-minute cartoons we let you watch when we brush your teeth. (Silly Symphonies, early Disney work, very cute and funny stuff.) Your current favorites are the Three Little Pigs and the Cookie Carnival.

You like the Christmas tree, occasionally inquire if it needs a drink, and insist on having it plugged in when you’re around. You’ve taken a few ornaments (“oms”) off but otherwise leave it alone because you know it’s pokey. You also enjoy saying hi to certain ornaments, and shaking Mama’s hand after greeting each one. You were not interested in decorating it, though you did enjoy instructing Mama and Daddy to put things up high.

You are 22 months old, and we can see the two-year-old in you.

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This is the story of two Facebook posts, one of which contained a challenge: post a thank-you to someone who did something, however small, that affected your life in a positive way.

The other one was posted a year ago, maybe more. A friend’s kid whom I’ve known since she was Baboo’s age posted a Zen motto. At least I think it was Zen — it’s hard to recall what with the time and my sievelike brain. Anyhow, the motto was illustrated with an elephant and a mouse. Let go or be dragged, it said.

I laughed, and then I started thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed it. I got out a pen and drew this:

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It’s been on my fridge for over a year. Some days, I just laugh at the mouse hanging on for dear life. But most days, it prompts me to drop things that don’t matter so I can move forward with a lighter step. Mostly, it’s little things: Baby isn’t napping? Let go, take him out where you know he’ll be happy. Or stay home and wrestle with him and stew.

But practicing letting go of little things primes you to let go of bigger things. Very recently, my husband proposed repeating an experience that, last time around, was difficult at best. (No, not another baby!) At first my brain went straight to resistance, clinging to it and turning on itself. Old anger woke up and began to claw at me. I was surprised by that. I thought I’d let it go. I looked at the elephant and the mouse and understood the weight being generated by holding on to year-old negativity and resentment. I started working on a strategy to really let it go.

When he first brought it up, I asked for time to think before we talked. When we talked, I asked a few simple questions and listened. I heard longing and love in his words, and recognition of the follies of the past. As I sat there, I realized what an opportunity this would be, even as it presented difficulties. We would get a do-over, a chance to make it what we wanted it to be the first time but just weren’t able to. We would be free. Light. Leading the way instead of being dragged.

What a gift, the idea of fixing the past by simply moving into the future. And for this, I owe thanks to my friend’s kid, who I now count as a friend. Marlowe, honey, thank you. Your post helped me so, so much.

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I’d never seen one like it. Petite and golden-haired and fluffy, the blue service dog vest seemed incongruous on his little back. As I brought the stroller even with his elderly mistress, I complimented his good looks. We chatted about him, and her disability, and then she remarked that I must be a fan of small people as well as dogs, nodding toward the stroller.

And then I was crying.

I suppose I could blame the full moon, or the first Santa sighting of the season, or the upcoming holidays and all the big historical feelings they dredge up combined with my sentimentality about the first Christmas my son is likely to remember. But I think what really happened was much simpler: I met a soul sister at the mall.

She talked to me about feeling my feelings to get to the reasons behind them instead of pushing them away, and encouraged me to take deep breaths. She spoke of emotional sensitivity as a gift to be shared with the world, which only made me cry more. She looked as deeply into my eyes as any dear friend would. When she reached for my hand, we naturally fell into a hug. It felt like being held by family. She thanked me for saying hello, and I thanked her for her words.

And then I went into Eddie Bauer to return a pair of pants.

All of this would be weird if it didn’t feel so right. I don’t routinely go around weeping in front of complete strangers, but this woman didn’t feel like a stranger. She felt like a gift plunked down in front of me. I’m just glad I had the good sense to open it. And glad I had the good sense to compliment her dog.

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Kinney the Cat

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Sometime last summer, back when the Boo was so little I would take walks with him strapped to my chest, I saw them for the first time. A man walking a gorgeous chocolate lab, and trailing behind them by about ten feet, a smallish, fluffy orange tabby. As I kept watching, it became clear that he was following them, pausing to get cozy with the dog, roll in dirt or groom himself, then springing up again when they got too far ahead.

I approached the man and asked abut the cat. “Oh, that’s Kinney, he’s been following us like that since we lived near a golf course in Florida.” As we chatted, it turned out his wife was a few months from delivering their first child. I was ecstatic — even that early in my mom career, I was jazzed about the prospect of neighbors with babies.

These days, that couple has become our friends, that baby is a year old, and the Boo and I have ditched the Baby Bjorn in favor of the stroller. We almost always end up in the tiny park where we first met Kinney the cat so he can “run, run, run,” one of his favorite activities.

If you are a regular reader, you know that the Boo is obsessed with cats — demands that we draw them for him, points them out excitedly on bags of cat food, and identifies them correctly (which is not the case with most other animals). As soon as we enter the park, he starts up.

“Cat?”

“Hm, let’s see. Oh cat, where are you?”

“Cat? Caaaaaaaat?”

About sixty percent of the time, the cat is there, or shows up before we leave. He’ll sometimes stroll toward us, fluffy tail up in greeting. Boo will ask, “pat?” And I will say yes, but be gentle, and guide his hand to show him what gentle means. Kinney will take pretty much whatever my toddler dishes out, even if my kid just interrupted a squirrel-stalking session with thundering feet and gleeful squeals.

And on the rare occasions when he dishes out a swat, we get to chat about being gentle.

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Parenting takes you to some weird places, most of which you had no idea existed. It’s all part of the fun when you’re aiming to make it through a day with a toddler with a minimum of trauma and a maximum of amusement.

For example: I am a college-educated woman living a happy middle-class life. I am (generally speaking) mentally stable. I do not believe in fairies. Why, then, did I start talking to my son’s feet a week ago?

I don’t recall a considered decision-making process, but it probably had something to do with a fussy kid on a changing table, because that’s where it always happens. See, the feet get restless, so they kick, and that kind of gets in the way of things like wiping and diaper cream and putting on pants. But if you talk to the feet and tell them, individually, what’s coming, they listen and chill out and let you do what you need to do.

The interesting thing is that the feet have different personalities. Right Foot is more outgoing and confident, quick to answer that yes, he’s ready for the sock. Left Foot (a/k/a Friend of Right Foot) is so shy as to be inaudible. You must press your ear to his big toe in order to hear his response.

Like I said, no mental illness that I’m aware of. But I’m not the only one who’s into it — the Boo will thoughtfully speak up for the recalcitrant foot if he (the foot) is feeling particularly shy. He will also request that I speak to the feet, chirping a plaintive “please” while holding his feet aloft over his bare bottom. And that, my friends, is about as high as you can get on both the Humor and Cuteness scales.

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News flash: Not only can babies not tell time, they don’t give a crap about time changes. Thus my little bundle of joy was up at 5. And because he’d also been up at 2, he was a bit less of a joy than usual.

And so I deployed one of my failsafes: I took the crabby baby to the grocery store. Between all the stuff to look at and all the people to say hi to, it never fails to buy me an hour of happy baby time. This time, it also brought unexpected boons.

On the drive there, I pass the second-largest urban park in the country: Forest Park, currently drenched in full-on postcard-level fall color. This morning around 6:30, it was also frosted and foggy and an utter work of art.

As much as I cringe at the amount of money we spend at Schnucks, I adore several of the checkout people, and one in particular. He was working one of the two lanes that were open, so I headed for his register. He noticed that the baby was not in top form (he’s given us enough stickers to know) and made a remark about how parents can always tell then their kids aren’t feeling well. Then he leaned in and said something so softly I couldn’t hear it. The second time, I got it. “I used to smoke pot.” He looked to both sides. “My mom always knew, and I never understood how she knew. Then when I had my own kids, I could always tell by their eyes when they weren’t right. I finally figured out how she did it!”

That story had me chuckling all the way home. And I took the long way home, through the park, since it was still very pretty. Supertramp’s “Long Way Home” came on the radio (the baby demands music in the car, and I am happy to comply). I had my hazards on because I was dilly-dallying, and I passed a car pulled over, with its passenger door open and three of the four passengers out of the car, running across a meadow with actual cameras in pursuit of the best remaining shots of the frost and mist. And I swear I am not making this up: They were all Asian.

Just before I made the turn away from the park I passed a few enormous trees with rays of misty sun filtering through to the ground. I was gobsmacked enough and tired enough to cry just a bit, and then I thought, wow, I would have missed all these amazing, funny, gorgeous things if not for the time change. And a baby who doesn’t give a crap about it.

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Some kind of miracle has occurred, i.e., the baby is still napping, so I’m going to try to crank out a quick post.

The Boo has begun to manufacture his own words for things. See if you can guess what each one means. (A great way to get an idea of what my days are like.)

Duck…

Chuck, our neighbor, much adored by the Boo.

Yeddah…

Yellow, his favorite color.

Mimi…

Music, duh.

Nay-nay….

Ned, his beloved bedtime buddy.

Yay-yay…

Raisins.
Yeah, I don’t get that one either, but that’s definitely what he means.

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1. A 19-month-old can throw a snack cup — the kind with a twist-to-lock lid — such that it pops open when it hits the floor.

2. Cheerios travel impressively far on highly polished surfaces such as the floor of our local Target.

3. Saying there’s been a Cheerio disaster gets a smile from a worker bee.

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