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You are three years old.

You chose standard birthday candles over a giant number three. You requested chocolate cake with yellow frosting (at first you wanted blue, and we were glad you changed your mind). You held the frosting tube as Mama wrote “Happy Birthday” (you didn’t want your name on it), put gummy bears on it, and stuck the candles deep into it in a nice little cluster.

You wave goodbye to Mama and blow her kisses when she leaves you at school.

You sometimes push your classmates and then grin at the teacher.

You recently declined an offer of honey to soothe your cough, saying, “No, I’d like a chocolate biscuit for my cough.”

You have lost the baby fat from your feet.

You had your first hearing and vision tests at your three-year checkup — the nurse was amazed at how well you followed directions.

You told the doctor (when he asked) that Mama was a boy. This was also part of your checkup. Other than that, you passed with flying colors. And to be fair, you could have been confused — Mama always calls herself a lady or a woman, not a girl.

You got a basketball hoop, a science book, and a marble track for your birthday. You love all three.

You sometimes declare “I don’t like you Mama, I want Daddy to put me to bed” when Mama is putting you to bed.

You sometimes declare “I don’t like you Daddy, I want Mama to put me to bed” when Daddy is putting you to bed.

You were reluctant to come downstairs to join the crowd (of five people) at your birthday party. Half an hour later, you were chatting happily with everyone.

You count to three like so: “One, two, tree!” This leaves no doubt of your Polish heritage.

You get royally pissed off when Mama says she can’t understand you when you whine.

You were able to sing snippets of “All the Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it)” after hearing Mama sing it twice. This leaves no doubt that you are Mama’s offspring.

You recently learned how to propel yourself around the pool on a water noodle. You were concerned when Mama showed you she wasn’t holding the noodle anymore, but then your face lit up when you realized you had independence in the water.

You are flirting with the idea of potty training but have thus far only condescended to practice sitting on the toilet.

You continue to be a picky eater — so much so that you refused to eat the pancakes at your school’s Pajama Day and only ate a few bites of frosting from your birthday cake. Well, that and all the gummy bears on your piece. And the gummy bears from Mama’s piece.

You are three years old, and your new favorite phrase is, “I can do it myself!”

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Last week, we paid a visit to the MySci bus, a roving interactive science experience housed in a tractor-trailer. We were in there for approximately 90 seconds, because small spaces filled with loud people are not the Boo’s thing. At all. So we missed out on that particular enrichment opportunity.

But I’m not worried about what we missed because in the past week, the Boo has been bursting with questions about science. Herewith, a list of our topics and my explanations:

– Why a spoon gets hot when you put it next to the dishwasher vent (the heat likes to jump to the spoon because it’s made of metal).

– Why and how eyes move (thank you, Internet, for excellent anatomical diagrams) and how the brain makes that happen (it sends messages that are so fast you don’t even know they’re being sent).

– Why plumbers cost a lot of money
Me: They know a lot of special things about pipes and faucets, so we have to pay them a lot.
Boo: If they don’t know so many stuff… do we pay less?

– Why light helps us see (it bounces off everything).

– Where wind comes from (the sky, storms, fans, hands that are waving really fast).

– How the heart works (I used my fist as a model and said “lub-dub, lub-dub.”)

Maybe next time we’ll enjoy the MySci bus a bit more, but for now I think I’m doing pretty well explaining physics and biology at a preschool level.

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One day, about six months ago I think, I was singing to the Boo. I don’t know the real title of the song, and I changed the words to half the verse because I couldn’t remember them. But one part was true to the original:

When you’re not near me, I’m blue

I had sung this to my kid many times before, but on this occasion, he stopped me and asked why I was blue, not yellow or green. After I stopped laughing, I said, “It means when my little boy is far away, I get sad.”

“Do you cry, Mama?”

“Sure, I guess so, yes.”

He sprang up from my lap, giggling, and put himself in the farthest corner of the room.

“Are you blue, Mama?”

I said yes, I was indeed blue.

“Are you going to cry, Mama?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

I did my best fake cry. And he laughed.

“Cry some more, Mama.”

He waited until I had gotten myself thoroughly worked up. I had taken a couple of breaks to peek at him, and each time he commanded me to cry some more. Finally, he decided he should put me out of my misery and ran to me, hurling himself into my arms.

Since that day, he has periodically asked me to play “the blue game” with him. He requires me to cry ever more theatrically, for longer periods, before he will launch himself from across the room.

It is my favorite game, ever.

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I know, it’s Hanukah and Christmas and I should be writing about that, or how weird it is that the Boo has absorbed a bunch of Santa lore by osmosis. But while I bake and wrap and pack and ship, Merry Merry HO HO is not what bubbles up when I think about what I want to write about.

About a month ago, the hubs suggested I take a night class at a local university, to get some time for myself. I was so touched, I almost teared up. I considered it, but between the cost and my lack of time to study, I opted to get an extra swimming session in.

Last weekend, we moved an old compact stereo to the Boo’s room so he can muck with it and yell into the Karaoke mike to his little heart’s content. The hubs went to fetch a few CDs, and then I heard it. Mannheim Steamroller Christmas. Or maybe Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Either way: Oh God no please make it stop. I’m not even sure the hubs knew how much I detest that “music” but he probably has a clue now since I made sure he saw one of my 88 eyerolls.

But. He loves it. He was dancing to it. And, because Daddy is Cool, the Boo was dancing too. Having a fabulous time with his adored Daddy. So I did the kindest thing I could think of to do. I walked away.

Last week, as I was gathering the 888 things the Boo needed for an overnight at his Grammie’s while mentally scrambling to put together a date night outfit, he came to find me. He was beaming, seriously, grinning and so, so very proud. And smeared with an impressive amount of Aquaphor (basically Vaseline) from his nipples to the top of his diaper. His shirt and pants had gotten in the way, so they were also, um, very well moisturized.

I gasped, a little confused, and then it hit me: I had put some of the stuff on his belly to soothe the rug burn he’d given himself sliding down the stairs. He was proud because he’d taken care of himself. He was happy because he’d done it all by himself. All of those thoughts flew through my head, and then I started laughing, because it really was very funny.

Friends, you can keep your menfolk who bring you flowers for no reason. I’ll keep mine, and let my heart fill with love whenever I get to swim laps on a weeknight. And I will show my love by leaving the room when a good Daddy-son session is centered on music I can’t stand. And if the Boo ever anoints himself again, I’ll do my best to react with love — toward myself, for being silly enough to leave the Aquaphor where he can get to it.

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The Boo is so my child:
“Mama, I want the beginning of Purple Rain again.”

The Boo is so his daddy’s child:
“I don’t like the squares on my sheet.”

The Boo is so his own person:
“Where’s the accelerator light, Mama?”

The Boo also recently protested a request to not pick his nose, arguing strenuously that he wanted the boogers in his mouth. (“It’s not gross!”)

But perhaps that just makes him a child of the universe.

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You have been taking this to bed:
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Not only that, but as you were settling down for today’s nap you very sweetly told it, “It’s okay plane, I’m right here.”

You have begun asking “why” about pretty much everything, all day long. Why are those birds flying? Why is it raining? Why is it not raining? Why is it daytime? Why do I have hiccups?

You like to sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” at nap time and bedtime. It’s more like a chant than singing, though — the rhythm is dead on, the melody is iffy at best, the combined effect puts a grin on your face as well as Mama’s.

You were class leader at school, which means you got to share your favorite book and put the clothes on the weather frog. Your teacher said you did a great job.

You like to ask, “What are you doing Mama?” even when you can clearly see what she is doing. Mama likes to give bogus answers just to see your reaction.

You told someone your name is Bubbles. To be fair, that’s one of Daddy’s nicknames for you.

You needed a few viewings of this video to figure out why Mama and Daddy think it’s so funny. Or at least to laugh along with us.

You adore one of your teachers so much that you went through a phase of crying whenever she had to leave the classroom. So we had a few talks about how she always comes back — just like Mama always comes back.

You helped Mama build a marble track out of a Cheerios box and toilet paper tubes. It’s already feeling its age, which prompted you to declare that we need to build a new one. Mama’s on the hunt for a more durable model.

You had your second dental checkup recently and did really well, even when the dentist decided to scrape at your teeth a little bit. Next time we take you, you’ll go back without us. You don’t know that yet.

You give Mama a blank look whenever she tries to talk to you about Halloween.

You are now closer to three than two, and sometimes you still ask Mama to pick you up like a baby. She’s happy to oblige.

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You are, for all practical purposes, two and a half years old.

You now have this at your disposal:

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You are working on the physics of pedaling, though you still find pushing forward with your feet Fred Flintstone-style to be far more efficient.

You ask, “What happened?” almost constantly, as a way to review the immediate past. Sometimes you answer yourself, sometimes we help you out.

You recited the following passage from a book after hearing it approximately six times: “Let’s start in the jungle where the tall trees grow and the monkeys swing from vine to vine.” You did this over your post-nap snack, just after seemingly spacing out for a few minutes.

You have several other favorite questions: “What is that?”, “What is that called?”, and “Where’s Daddy?”

You are making good progress on straightening out your pronoun usage because when you say, “You want Kix” or some such, Mama looks confused and says, “I don’t want Kix!” But your default setting is still to use “you” instead of “I.”

You have been introduced to the concept of privacy.

You have no desire to ditch your diapers, though we did buy you some very cute Thomas underpants that you like to look at now and again. Also, you’ve peed in the tub a few times, so you know how that works.

You have some charming toddler mispronunciations: piwwow (pillow), fadder (father), suhkuw (circle), dare (there), etc.

You adore having your Avva (Indian grandma) with us. You ask where she is when you wake up, and run to her when you find her. You also love to haul her around by the finger, and playfully run into her on occasion, so we have explained that she is delicate. Your favorite things to do with her are play hide and seek and go on walks.

You want to wear a sari like Avva does; you have settled for being wrapped in a towel.

You have started drawing cats, narrating the entire process: “We need a circle, and some pointy ears, and whiskers…”

You are utterly delighted with the conversion of your crib to a toddler bed. You expected all the rails to come off, not just the front panel, but we explained that’s to keep you safe, just like on Caillou’s bed, and you seemed to accept that.

You sat up and called for Mama the first morning you woke up in your big boy bed. So we practiced getting up, opening your door, and finding Mama. At the start of that day’s nap, you sprang up to go find Mama. Mama explained that big boys stay in their beds until after they wake up from their naps. She asked if you could do that, and you said yes. Then you went to sleep.

You have added “mommy” to the other names you call your mother (Mama, Amma). None of us use that term, so it took us a while to figure out you did this because that’s what Caillou calls his mother.

You are two and a half, and you reveal more of your big boy brain every day.

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Hanging out in bed, the three of us, the Boo in the middle. There might have been an iPad involved — hard to recall now.

The hubs sneezed. Well, not really. Rather, a sound with a thousand pointy edges exploded from his face. Twice, I think.

Rarely have I seen the Boo scramble so quickly.

He didn’t quite cling to me, but he wanted to be very very near me, and not his Daddy. (A rare occurance when both of us are around.) Keep in mind that his pronouns are still mostly reversed as I tell you what he said over and over: “You don’t like that sound.”

Neither do I, Boo. Neither do I.

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You can recognize certain words, most notably “yo,” which was in a recent library book as well as on Mama’s T-shirt:

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You have discovered how to slide down the stairs on your belly, feet first.

“Say Hello” by Rachel Isadora was your surprise favorite from our last library run.

You remain obsessed by AC units, which you call fans. You ask to “walk the neighborhood” so you can look at your favorites over and over, requesting to be lifted up to see if they’re spinning.

You love running across open spaces in parks just as much as you enjoy conquering ladders and slides in playgrounds.

You like to throw the afghans and couch pillows onto the living room floor.

You are adept at unscrewing the top of your toothpaste tube. And Grammie’s lotion tube. And anything else with a screw-on lid. This would be a downside of you having a building set.

You recently had your first professional haircut, from a friend of Mama’s who came to the house. You were unsure about her at first, but eventually showed her your favorite cat video and munched chocolate chips while she snipped away. You did not, however, enjoy the sensation of tiny bits of hair on your skin. At all.

You have developed an affinity for Caillou that borders on obsession.

You regularly declare your love for Daddy. You have declared your love for Mama exactly once, during a diaper change.

You know what pill bugs are and like to look for them during walks.

You have begun to (sometimes) announce when you need a diaper change.

You like to see how much taller than you the sunflower plants are.

You do not care for babies grabbing you, but you do allow them to grab you.

You almost never opt to sit in your high chair anymore.

You sometimes hit Mama with your bedtime buddy (or, on one occasion, a toy screwdriver). Usually this happens when you are tired, excited, or craving attention.

You have a pair of scissors, and occasionally like to use them to slice stuff up.

You are learning how to ask kids to share toys at summer camp — in particular, fire trucks and dinosaurs. You have also learned about sand in your shoes. You’re not a fan.

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You can climb onto this all by yourself:
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You have begun eating open-faced peanut butter sandwiches, a definite step up from peanut butter off a spoon with a side of bread bits.

You picked out your own outfit the day we went to Mama’s office: jeans, a white polo shirt, and one of daddy’s ties. The tie cleared the ground by about 4 inches. You charmed the pants off everyone you met.

You are fond of saying, “Mama forgot.” We are fond of hearing you say it because of the way you draw out the second syllable of “forgot.”

You have developed a fondness for gargling whatever you’re drinking.

You still refuse to take even a sip of juice, even after asking for it to be poured into your most favorite cup.

You like to give your baby doll baths, then have Mama give you a pretend bath. Both of you use the same “tub,” a toy bin that’s the perfect size — for the doll.

You’ve checked out your first library books, which you like to have read to you one after the other (there are only three of them, phew!).

You tried to use Mama’s library card to get a digital jukebox to play.

You’ve had your first trip to Blueberry Hill. You enjoyed eating your usual carb smorgasbord there (graham-and-PB sandwiches and Cheerios followed by a dessert of chocolate chips). Our dining companion was flummoxed by your refusal of mac-n-cheese.

You delight in watering the plants on the deck and in the front yard, and you want to count the sunflower sprouts every time we water them. More precisely, you like Mama to make your hand point at each sprout as she counts them with you.

You delight in watering the plants in the front yard, and strongly desire full control of the hose at all times.

You like to take to take rides in the wagon at the end of the day, but at a certain point you want to pull it yourself, and will swat our hands away if we attempt to help you.

You like to look at and play with your potty seat, but you have no interest in using it for its intended purpose, preferring instead to make a mad dash to the next room to do your business.

You were told you had to hold someone’s hand when crossing the street, and so you grabbed your own finger and said, “you can hold your own hand!” (your pronouns are still charmingly reversed).

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