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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Friends! Does your baby wake up wet and sad every morning? Are his formerly silky haunches covered in a nasty rash because of it? Are you at your wit’s end trying to think of ways to fix the problem after going up a diaper size, which has never failed to stop leaks in the past?

Well fear no more, because help is here in the form of an old friend:

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That’s right, your old pal the bulky, nasty maxi-pad is here to save the day! Just cut off the wings, slit the back so the pee can get through to the diaper, and voilà! The baby may wake up slightly damp, but your days of flooding will be over!

By the way, they’re also great if your dog has had knee surgery. Super-absorbent and much cheaper than bandaging supplies.

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This stuff is super-gentle on sensitive baby skin, smells heavenly, and produces bubbles galore — and it works like a dream on overtired and cranky parents.

Or maybe that was the port.

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Many parents have said to me that the baby beginning to walk is a game changer. I see what they mean, but yesterday the baby expressed an intense interest in this:

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I would argue that this is much more of a game changer, if only in terms of the mental space I’ll need to dedicate to making sure the bathroom door is always closed and making sure the lid lock is on after every use. There’s already so much stuff taking up space in my head that cramming one more thing in there is a daunting thought.

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A week ago, we hit the vaunted milestone of Baby’s First Ear Infection, and thus we have had our first experience with antibiotics. Things were going pretty well — he was sleeping better and he was eating less, but still eating — until Tuesday afternoon.

Baboo was struggling to go to sleep for his second nap, so I checked his diaper and found not only a number two but the nastiest diaper rash I’ve seen on him so far. I wouldn’t even call it a rash so much as the baby skin version of slash and burn. He shuddered with pain when I touched it even lightly, and he cried for a while after I was finished cleaning him up. And when I say he cried I mean he wailed like his heart was breaking. Which also means I was crying as I was cleaning him up, and apologizing the whole time.

I brought him downstairs for some distraction and called his doctor’s office to ask what might be done. The nurse, who was very sympathetic and helpful, was not surprised in the slightest. She gave me instructions on how to help him: use only wet washcloths to wipe him; daily baths with baking soda; probiotics; no fruit besides bananas and apples; as much yogurt, white bread and rice as he’ll eat; and my personal favorite, let him run round naked.

Her advice was reassuring, but her level of “of course” got me thinking: Why hadn’t the doctor, or the nurse, or the pharmacist, said anything about the likelihood of this medicine turning my baby’s poo into acid? Sure would have been nice. The only person who had warned me about this was my cousin, so I’d been on the alert and doing quick changes as soon as I detected poo, but the load that burned his bum was only in there for about 20 minutes.

Yes, having been on antibiotics I should perhaps have realized that what happened to me on them would likely happen to him, but I was strung out from a few days and nights of dealing with a very unhappy baby. That is to say, thinking logically was not in my wheelhouse. Getting his prescription filled ASAP and getting him home to bed were my prime directives.

So I suppose my aim here is twofold:

1. Medical professionals, please pass along information like this.

2. Parents, the first time you put your kid on antibiotics, make sure you pick up probiotics (my doc recommended Culturelle) at the pharmacy. And use lots and lots and lots of Desitin. And prepare to entertain your kid on the changing table while you let his nether regions air out. Might be a separate post about that soon…

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I’m so sure! Like, she’s totally rad in that blazer!

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And she went to college, so she totally knows not to flush that dirty diaper down the toilet:

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I have a feeling I’m going to piss a few people off with this one, but that’s okay. It’s all true, and I have extensive experience with both puppies and babies, so I’m qualified to hold forth on this topic.

So: 12 ways in which puppies/dogs are like babies — and vice versa.

1. Consistency is key when disciplining them.
2. They look at you adoringly, often when you’re just about to lose your grip.
3. It would be beyond awesome if you knew what they were thinking.
4. Drool.
5. Shredding paper products is a favorite pastime.
6. They make you very mindful of what you leave on your counters.
7. Parts of them are so soft that “soft” is an inadequate descriptor.
8. They trip over their own feet.
9. They bring unparalleled joy and wonder.
10. They occasionally make it necessary to end the day with chocolate and wine.
11. Sometimes they smell more wonderful than wonderful. Other times, not so much.
12. Teething toys. Chew toys. Gnawed-up books. I rest my case.

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