Mama-Come-Lately

Okay, friends, you’re about to find out why I have a category called “kvetchitude.”

The baby is teething. For real this time. I can feel his little chompers poking through his gums and everything. It’s an exciting milestone, but there’s a cost: pain and skipped naps, leading to a miserable little boy and a sad mama.

Previously, I’d given him Tylenol for pain but had heard that Ibuprofen was better for teething, so I tried it yesterday, with poor results. I’d heard that you could alternate the two medications if needed, so I called the pediatrician’s office like a responsible parent to find out what they recommend.

Quoth the nurse: “Teething pain is overrated.”

Let’s start with the verbal typo. She didn’t mean that teething pain is less awesome than everyone says it is. She meant that it’s not as bad as you think it is, you silly parent, you.

Right, because the fact that my baby has his hand jammed in his mouth 24/7 and can’t nap for longer than 30 minutes without some kind of analgesic in his system means the pain is purely psychological. Because, you know, seven-month-old babies do that. They get themselves all convinced they’re in pain and then — here’s the crazy part — they actually believe it! They start to behave as if they’re in pain!

Then the nurse, who was in fact trying to be helpful, said that this “not so bad” stance is the official position of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Ah. Good to know. Seriously — I mean, if I know you’re toeing the party line, it’s much easier for me, because I know that you’re merely saying what you’re required to say, not necessarily what is true or most helpful.

She also said that if he needs pain relief around the clock, he should be brought in. Fair enough. And that ibuprofen is hard on little tummies, just like it’s hard on big tummies. All good points. Thank you very much.

So last night, my baby, who sleeps through the night 98% of the time, woke up with phantom pain and tried to convince me that he was experiencing real pain. That clever little manipulator. He put on such a good show, though, what with the fake tears and all, that caved I gave him Tylenol.

And then he went back to sleep.