Mama-Come-Lately

So comforting, the well-stocked diaper needs shelf.

When a mother of three told me about Amazon Mom , I was ecstatic. Diapers, wipes and formula delivered to my door? On a set schedule so I don’t have to remember and never run out? At a 20% discount? Surely I’ve died and gone to heaven.

I’ll admit, it was fabulous in those hazy early days when I could barely function. But here’s the deal: No matter how well you plan, you end up with dozens of diapers in the size your baby grew out of overnight. Also, it’s really just a ploy to gin up Amazon Prime subscribers. (For the uninitiated, this is a program that gives you shipping benefits — faster, cheaper, etc. — and it’s $79 a year.)

Here’s how it works: For the first three months, if you’ve never had Amazon Prime and meet whatever other criteria they secretly set, you get a free three-month Amazon Prime trial membership when you join Amazon Mom (for which there is no fee). This also gets you the 20% discount. (Without Amazon Prime membership, the discount is a measly 5%.) They tell you that all of your purchases, including baby-related ones, count toward earning future months of Amazon Prime membership. You figure, hell, with all the diapers I’ll be buying, I will be an Amazon Prime member for decades to come!

Then you subscribe to monthly deliveries of baby stuff, though not all sizes and amounts are available. So if you want only 32 Size 2 Pampers Swaddlers because you think the baby is just about to bust out of that size, tough nuts — it’s 264 or no discount, babe! On the plus side, there is a set monthly delivery date for all your stuff, and they send you e-mails when they’re about to ship things so you can make changes or cancel an order.

At this point, my Amazon Prime free trial membership has expired, and kvetching about it to Amazon to get it reinstated is very low on my priority list. Meanwhile, it’s been fun playing Diaper Fairy (i.e., giving away the outgrown diapers), but also frustrating. I feel like I’ve been forced to buy more than I need. And while we’re not on a super-tight budget, I do try not to be stupid with our money.

So I’m using the service for formula and wipes and Diaper Genie refills, but being very wary with the diaper orders — in fact I just cancelled my standing Pampers order yesterday. And having tested them and done the math, I know that Target diapers do the same thing as Pampers.