Mama-Come-Lately

When mamas are sick, babies should sense it and go into Sleep Mode for the day.

Alternatively, the mama’s mama should be available to come over so the mama can sleep.

When mamas of teething babies have nasty cramps, their babies should take a 24-hour break from teething.

Alternatively, the state-sponsored Doula could come over to draw the mama a hot bath and keep the baby in Melba toast and frozen bagels for the duration.

Babies should come with some sort of easily understood external indicator so everyone knows when another round of teething is starting. You know, like the pop-up thermometer on a turkey.

A non-stick baby butt coating would be nice. Imagine what you’d save on wipes! And diaper cream!

Grocery stores and pharmacies should offer free deliveries to households with babies under a year old.

All mamas, not just nursing mamas, should be able to lose weight while subsisting on a diet of cheese and white bread.

Self-cleaning floors, please.