“Enjoy every moment.”
“That’s kind of a lot of pressure.”
My response was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I may have offended her, or hurt her feelings, and I don’t feel great about that. I wasn’t trying to be mean or bitchy, but that nice lady I had just met unfortunately uttered my biggest motherhood advice pet peeve on a day when my speech filters were not fully operational.
She meant it nicely, of course. It’s one of the things people think they are supposed to say to people with babies. When you say it, the other person is supposed to smile and nod and maybe tilt their head to the side in a wistful manner. But there are a few reasons why it sets me off
First of all, as I said to her: I don’t need more pressure to do motherhood the right way. I put enough on myself, and the media takes care of the rest. Pick up an issue of “Parents” magazine and check out any article on Having Maximum Fun With Your Child to see what I mean. Perhaps I’m too much of a literalist, but the flip side of “enjoy every moment” is: If you’re not enjoying every moment, there’s something wrong with you, or your parenting skills, or both.
Secondly: What if you’re just having a bad day, or a string of them, because oh I don’t know… Insomnia, cramps, crushing headache, your sister/cousin/brother/dad/partner is being awful just then, you have no idea how you’re going to put the kid through Kindergarten. Granted, there are times when caring for a kid provides respite from bad days, but my experience is that being a parent on a day you just need a break from being a parent is the opposite of enjoyable. (Which is why I will never again have more than two glasses of wine on date night.)
Thirdly: Come on. Poopy diapers and teething and spitup and sleep deprivation suck, deeply, for a long time, and everyone knows it.
Finally: What if your kid is sick? I don’t mean like with a cold, I mean with cancer or some serious illness you can’t tell they have just by looking. My kid, for the record, is (knock wood) very healthy, but I do sometimes allow myself to think about what it would be like to deeply love a very sick child. There is no possible way parents of sick kids are enjoying every moment. They’re just enjoying the ones they can.
So maybe that’s the better statement: Enjoy as much as you can. It’s not as pretty, but it rings true to me.
Mama-Come-Lately 
Love this post. Perfectly stated.
Thanks, Pat! That means a lot coming from another writer.
Well said indeed. However being the mom of an almost 14, 11 and 7 year old – I find myself saying this to moms with babies too. But my intended message is that you should try to enjoy every moment because you will blink and they will be 14, 11 and 7 – or older. I think once you become a parent the true realization of the saying ‘time flies’ really hits you. Even though it doesn’t seem that way as you are changing you 6th diaper of the day or doing you 10th load of laundry. Cherish each stage – because time really does fly.
Very nicely put, Sue, thanks for taking the time to comment!
Also: Jack is NOT seven. There’s just no way that’s possible! ;P
I love this post, Heidi!
The years fly, yes, but the days crawl. Sometimes they jungle crawl, on blazing hot asphalt. The design flaw in parenting is that while every stage is sweet, every stage is also an overdose of itself. It’s both/and. I do enjoy the moments, as best I can and I sometimes wish I could go back — or forward — to a different stage, just for an hour or so.
Thanks, Omi! Someone else told me the “days crawl, months and years fly” thing, and I’ve found that to be true. I’ve also found that some days go faster than others.
Let me know if you find a way to travel back…