Mama-Come-Lately

So. Many. Words.

The other day, my husband was telling The Boo to do something, and he was repeating himself, because The Boo is six, and was distracted like Doug in Up when he sees a squirrel. I get the impulse, and I do the same thing sometimes. I walked up to him (my husband) and quietly said, “Do you remember that thing about how when you say something to a dog over and over, they stop hearing it? Works the same way with kids.”

Sure, it was slightly obnoxious, but it was also true: many behavior modification techniques that work with animals also work with kids. Here are a few I use on a regular basis:

1. Ignore the behavior you don’t want. Saying,”Oh my God WHY are you singing that song for the 80th time?” achieves exactly nothing. Except that maybe it amuses your kid and makes them sing that song for the 81st time. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked away from a tantrum. Lovingly, of course. “Come find me when you’re calm and ready to talk.”
2. Praise the behavior you do want. “I love how you were so kind to that boy who was hurt!” “You have gotten so good at sharing!”
3. Short, clear commands work; yammering away about what you want the kid to do doesn’t. “Socks. Shoes. Now, please.” Sounds mean, gets the job done. I use this technique when I’ve asked nicely once or twice; sometimes I just remind myself that “It’s time for socks and shoes” is better than “I’ve asked you over and over and you STILL haven’t…”
4. Treats and rewards work. Find out what makes your kid tick and use that to pick a motivator. Stickers, screen time, whatever. We recently started a morning routine system where The Boo gets points for doing a series of tasks with minimal or no prompting. The points equal minutes of video game time after school. His idea, but I was on the verge of suggesting something similar. Every time I use this technique, The Boo forgets about the reward, but the new behavior sticks.
5. Hand signals, body language, touch feedback, and eye contact. A huge percentage of communication is nonverbal. Use all of that to “read” your kid and to convey happy feedback as well as unhappiness with behavior. Ain’t nothing better than a warm hug from mom or dad, right?

Obviously, there are huge differences between kids and dogs, and different kids respond to the different techniques. These are just a few that have worked well for us.