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Wee-Hours Waking

July 26, 2013 by Heidi Dean

“Could be his molars coming in.”

With that simple sentence, I lost a bit of love for our pediatrician, which is okay because I have enough love for him that losing a bit is tolerable.

The baby had been waking up for a few nights running, and since he had an ear infection the last time that happened, we were there to rule out that possibility. With it ruled out, I was left with no simple answer to this maddening new trend in my baby’s behavior.

As the days went on, he did it over and over, waking between 2 and 4:30, upset but easily calmed, sometimes soaked through, sometimes dry. One night, for extra fun, he woke up an hour after the first time, just as I was drifting back to sleep.

Naturally I turned to the Internet and books for possible reasons. None of them seemed fun:

– Molars. Two-year molars coming in seven months early, could take a few months to fully erupt. Neato.

– Separation anxiety. Really? I’m with him ALL THE TIME.

– Overtiredness. The more tired you are, the worse you sleep. The worse you sleep, the more tired you are. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

– Night terrors. He’s a little young for this, but one of the hallmarks of this lovely phenomenon is a freaked-out kid who suddenly calms down and passes out again, which is pretty much what he was doing. He also paused during a crying jag to chirp, “hi!”

– 18-month sleep regression. This is where the kid starts waking up at night for no apparent reason, and you get to decide how to deal with it. Regardless of your course of action, you still end up with a tired baby and shredded sleep.

– Just a fun new limit-testing behavior. Because making Mommy get out of bed is fun!

– Full moon.

Go ahead and laugh at that last one. He stopped his wee-hours wakings the night after the full moon.

Apparently I’m raising a werewolf.

Posted in Daily Life | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You Are 17 Months Old

July 17, 2013 by Heidi Dean

You are 17 months old.

You have a new toy:

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You somehow know that the sound of an almost-empty ketchup bottle “farting” is funny.

You say “brr” when something is cold.

You had your first skinned knee last week.

You will sometimes put your hands on your hips and stick your belly out and look at Mama and start laughing.

You dip one index finger ever so daintily in something you want to taste and then bring it slowly up to your mouth. Your Grammie taught you this.

You’ve been doing this for a while, but: You will take someone’s hand and move it to indicate what you want them to do.

You’ve been introduced to a baby pool, and you’re getting along famously. But so far you mostly like to play with the hose (and drink from it).

You shake your head “no” to book after book when it’s time to read before a nap or bedtime. This is why there are messy stacks of books on the ottoman in your room, and a few on the floor.

You have absolutely zero fear of the garbage truck.

Your favorite kitchen toys at the moment are a tiny Tupperware container and a springform pan, but you still have great affection for the strainers.

You speed to the dishwasher to help Mama unload it, and you’re tall enough to reach things on the top rack.

You find the vacuum cleaner to be highly amusing and are desperate to touch it when it’s on.

You are more of a parrot every day, and this is why your next word may be “sugar.”

You spent 20 minutes playing with an empty 2-liter soda bottle the other day.

You’ve tried to go to sleep standing up a couple of times, once when Grammie was taking care of you. Boy, was she confused!

You can go down the stairs by sliding on your belly (feet first).

You have discovered slides, and giggle the best possible giggle when going down them. Then you try to climb back up them.

You can step up a small step if you’re holding Mama’s hand.

You still have no interest in ice cream or cake.

You are all about graham crackers.

You are not all about using a spoon, preferring instead to dip the wrong end in your yogurt.

You are 17 months old, and you seem to be teething again which is just ridiculous but whatever, we’ll work with it…

Posted in Happiness, Milestones | Tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Overnight

July 14, 2013 by Heidi Dean

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We had an overnight.

We said low-key goodbyes to Baboo as my mom took him for a walk, and then we drove away.

We arrived at a hotel less than ten minutes later.

We ordered room service within five minutes of walking through the door of our suite (we were upgraded, thank you very much Robert!). Later we figured out that we hadn’t had room service in over two years.

We loafed about and watched TV.

We made a dinner reservation.

I put on a dress that mostly still fits (someone rearranged my body, dangit!).

I put on mascara. Mascara!

We ate and chatted about life in general and our fellow diners. We also theorized about our server’s jumpy manner.

We had dessert.

We returned to the room tired but so full that we thought going to bed would be a bad idea. So naturally we headed back downstairs for a nightcap.

I was sure I heard the baby crying at 3:30 in the morning.

We woke without alarms (For me this was 5:30. I’m programmed, it seems.).

We ordered room service for breakfast.

I had one of the best pedicures of my life.

We checked out and headed home, excited to see the baby after 19 hours away from him.

We had an overnight for the first time since the baby was born, and we understand we need to do it again sooner than 17 months from now.

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Mama Dean’s Baby Junk List

July 11, 2013 by Heidi Dean

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Once I started writing a list of baby gear must-haves (here and here) I started thinking about all the stuff we didn’t use and lo, another blog post was conceived.

– Burp cloths. They’re not big enough if your kid is a serious spitter like ours was. Dish towels and cloth diapers were far more useful. Get about a dozen if your baby shows signs of being a puker.

– Receiving blankets. I still don’t understand what they’re for. They’re not really big enough to swaddle with, and you’ll have tons of cute blankets to drape over the kid. Get a 3-pack if you must, and then let me know if you used them, and what for.

– Bath thermometer. That’s what your hand is for. Though those ducks that say “hot” on the bottom if the water is scalding are awfully cute.

– Noisy toys. You know the ones. Lots of screechy songs and buttons and whatnot. Old-school teachers call them “busy boxes.” We have a coulple, and I suppose you can argue that they teach the kid cause and effect and build fine motor skills. But for the most part the way the baby plays with them is pretty mindless, as far as I can tell. Also, they are invariably loud, which pisses me off, because I kind of like the fact that my baby can hear, thanks. Caveat: A handheld “educational” toy can be great for keeping a baby happy in the car. This is why an Elmo counting and colors monstrosity lives in the backseat of my car.

– Microwave sterilizer. While we did use this for a while, our pediatrician told us it wasn’t necessary unless we were using well water or had a preemie.

– Baby grooming set. The comb was sharp, the bulb syringe was useless (they give you a good one in the hospital anyway) and everything else was poor quality. Just get a good pair of baby nail clippers (or scissors) and an adult comb that’s not pokey.

– Pacifiers. They give you the best ones in the hospital (Soothies — ask for extras), and many (including me) say you’re better off ditching them by the 6-month mark.

– Baby journal. We have a really beautiful one with a sweet little bunny on the front. Every two or three months I pull it out, marvel that I’m supposed to print photos to go in it, and put it back in the closet. Disclaimer: If you’re a Project Person, you will love it.

– Wipe warmer. Seriously? Warm them in your hands or armpits if you think the baby can’t deal with a split second of chilliness.

– Footie PJs with snaps. Trust me: At 3 a.m., in the semi-dark (because you don’t want to wake the baby any more than necessary), snap-closure PJs become a Rubik’s Cube made out of fabric With a greased weasel inside. Zippers, my friends. Zippers.

I’m sure there are more I’ll think of as soon as I post this…

Posted in Daily Life, mama life hacks | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

To The Lady From the Schnucks Deli Counter

July 9, 2013 by Heidi Dean

Dear Lady I Met at the Schnucks Deli Counter the Other Day:

You delighted me by telling me you follow my blog. That’s the first time I’ve had the pleasure of hearing that from a stranger. You further delighted me by saying you recognized me by my glasses. (I assumed my hair was my trademark — guess I need to rethink that.)

Here’s the thing: I was so fuzzed up with stunned happiness that I think I forgot to say thank you. And now I’m mortified by my lapse of manners.

So thanks, Deli Counter Lady! Thank you for following and reading my blog when you must be very busy with your sweet baby girl. Thank you for speaking up. Thank you for making me feel great and causing my husband to give me a high-five.

And one question, since I’m terribly curious: How did you find my blog?

Thanks again,

H

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Posted in Daily Life, Happiness | Tagged , | 3 Comments »

An Unlikely Solution

July 3, 2013 by Heidi Dean

Friends! Does your baby wake up wet and sad every morning? Are his formerly silky haunches covered in a nasty rash because of it? Are you at your wit’s end trying to think of ways to fix the problem after going up a diaper size, which has never failed to stop leaks in the past?

Well fear no more, because help is here in the form of an old friend:

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That’s right, your old pal the bulky, nasty maxi-pad is here to save the day! Just cut off the wings, slit the back so the pee can get through to the diaper, and voilà! The baby may wake up slightly damp, but your days of flooding will be over!

By the way, they’re also great if your dog has had knee surgery. Super-absorbent and much cheaper than bandaging supplies.

Posted in Daily Life, mama life hacks | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Enjoy Every Moment… Or Not.

June 25, 2013 by Heidi Dean

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“Enjoy every moment.”

“That’s kind of a lot of pressure.”

My response was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I may have offended her, or hurt her feelings, and I don’t feel great about that. I wasn’t trying to be mean or bitchy, but that nice lady I had just met unfortunately uttered my biggest motherhood advice pet peeve on a day when my speech filters were not fully operational.

She meant it nicely, of course. It’s one of the things people think they are supposed to say to people with babies. When you say it, the other person is supposed to smile and nod and maybe tilt their head to the side in a wistful manner. But there are a few reasons why it sets me off

First of all, as I said to her: I don’t need more pressure to do motherhood the right way. I put enough on myself, and the media takes care of the rest. Pick up an issue of “Parents” magazine and check out any article on Having Maximum Fun With Your Child to see what I mean. Perhaps I’m too much of a literalist, but the flip side of “enjoy every moment” is: If you’re not enjoying every moment, there’s something wrong with you, or your parenting skills, or both.

Secondly: What if you’re just having a bad day, or a string of them, because oh I don’t know… Insomnia, cramps, crushing headache, your sister/cousin/brother/dad/partner is being awful just then, you have no idea how you’re going to put the kid through Kindergarten. Granted, there are times when caring for a kid provides respite from bad days, but my experience is that being a parent on a day you just need a break from being a parent is the opposite of enjoyable. (Which is why I will never again have more than two glasses of wine on date night.)

Thirdly: Come on. Poopy diapers and teething and spitup and sleep deprivation suck, deeply, for a long time, and everyone knows it.

Finally: What if your kid is sick? I don’t mean like with a cold, I mean with cancer or some serious illness you can’t tell they have just by looking. My kid, for the record, is (knock wood) very healthy, but I do sometimes allow myself to think about what it would be like to deeply love a very sick child. There is no possible way parents of sick kids are enjoying every moment. They’re just enjoying the ones they can.

So maybe that’s the better statement: Enjoy as much as you can. It’s not as pretty, but it rings true to me.

Posted in Daily Life, Kvetchitude | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Fun With Skype

June 21, 2013 by Heidi Dean

My first exposure to video calls came courtesy of the Jetsons, because I am that old. I recall thinking, in my little tween brain, “Gosh. You’d have to make sure you looked okay.” I didn’t much care for that thought. (Even at that age, I was a low-maintenance kind of gal.)

Little did I know that just a few decades later I’d be Skyping with my mother-in-law five days a week (the hubs handles weekends). (And yes, I do make sure my hair and face are passable before we begin, though some days I’m more passable than others.)

One day this week, she noticed that Baboo was playing with a couple of strainers. You know the type:

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They’ve been among his favorite playthings for the better part of a year, but for some reason she’d never seen him carrying them around.

During the next day’s Skype session, following the standard discussion of the baby’s breakfast (calls are easier with the baby in a secure location), she held up a strainer. She described its size and how she uses it. Baboo grinned and chortled, clearly happy that his Avva knew the joy of strainers. She put the strainer down and picked up another, smaller one. Again, she told him all about it. Same reaction. She showed him a third strainer, again smaller than the last one.

By this time I was off-camera, dabbing my eyes in my T-shirt. It was the sweetness that got me. The pure joy of my mother-in-law’s strainer tour, the forethought that must have gone into it, the baby’s reaction, the connection.

Sometimes I love technology more than chocolate.

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A Russian Granny Story

June 8, 2013 by Heidi Dean

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7:30, a perfect June morning. The baby happy in his chariot with a hunk of apple, me happy with a piece of gum and my thoughts.

Across the street, a Russian granny, the one who used to wear the Pujols ball cap. She is not wearing it today. She moves slowly. They all do.

We cross to greet her.

“So big!”

“Yes, and walking!” I trot my fingers in the air to make sure she understands.

She spreads her arms to hug me, I think. I smell urine. I lean in anyway. She kisses me on the cheek and takes my hand in hers. I look down and see my great-grandmother’s hands, plump as sausages, soft as the baby’s.

“Boy?”

“Yes.”

“Nice boy.”

“Yes.”

She takes his hand, squeezes it. Ruffles his hair, makes doting Russian Granny noises. Smiles at him, her gold teeth shiny in the morning light. He is a little unsure but smiles back. She shuffles off with a “thank you.”

I continue my walk with tears in my eyes, not really sure why I’m crying, not really caring.

Posted in Cross-Cultural, Daily Life | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

Addendum to Mama Dean’s Baby Basics

June 4, 2013 by Heidi Dean

Well, naturally as soon as I put up my baby basics post I began to think of things I’d forgotten… And so here we go again:

– Play mat: This is for further down the line, and more for the folks with hardwood floors, but they provide a space of the kid’s own as well as cushioning when they’re first rolling around. This one is fun, and free of the nasty stuff some of them have.

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– Batteries: Ds and AAAs. Lots of them. Because not having them when a favorite toy or God forbid the swing runs out of juice when that’s all the baby wants is not a fun scene.

– Sunscreen: You need it from day one, basically. Didn’t know that until one of our early pediatrician visits. And don’t think that your baby doesn’t need it because of their lovely caramel or olive skin. That’s a big ole myth.

– “The Happiest Baby on the Block” by Dr. Harvey Karp: Another excellent, compassionate, sensible book about how to soothe a fussy tot. The basis of his methods is the idea of the “fourth trimester,” i.e., the baby’s first three months of life, during which some of them need a lot of help adjusting to life outside the womb.

– Infant massage: Find a class or watch some videos. This is a wonderful way for both mom and dad to connect with a newborn, and it’s quite soothing for all of you.

– Hand sanitizer: Because there will be times when washing your hands is too much of a hassle. Trust me. Get two or three dispensers and a super-mongo one to refill them from. Keep one near the front door for visitors (and yourself — it’s always a good idea to clean your hands when you come home). If you think I’m being alarmist consider that newborns (3 months and under) who spike a fever get an automatic hospital stay.

– Cart cover. Because there is no way to wipe all the surfaces your baby will touch, and suck, and you have no idea how disgusting or sick the last person to use the cart was. Also, carts are hard, and babies are soft — why not make it a little cozier for them? This article explains various features and reviews popular models.

– Baby hangers. Even if you’re having a boy, you’ll want to hang some stuff, and many store hangers are flimsy. Also: Cute! And handy for air-drying certain items.

– Speaking of hangers: If the nursery is dinky and the closet is of a reasonable size, look into having it customized. You will quickly find that you need to maximize all available space to store your baby’s accoutrements.

– Bibs. Long before you need them for mealtimes, you’ll need them for both drool and spit up. If your baby is like mine, you’ll need a couple dozen if you don’t want to do laundry twice a day. Get snap ones, not Velcro ones (it quickly becomes useless). Terry cloth ones are cool, but the waterproof ones are better. Carter’s makes nice durable ones.

– Socks. Many of them are useless for tiny, wiggly feet, but they make great hand-hiders. See, your kid’s hands will ATTACK and TERRIFY him or her! And you will be too scared of trimming those itty bitty nails to keep them from scratching the bejesus out of that sweet little mug. Bonus: They’re perfect infant mittens.

Posted in Daily Life, mama life hacks | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment »

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