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Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

State of the Boo: Road Trip Edition

Posted in Happiness, tagged , , , , on August 18, 2015| 2 Comments »

  
We recently took the Boo on a weeklong road trip to see family in Michigan. I’d been apprehensive about long stretches of car time with a 3.5-year-old, but for the most part he was a fantastic traveler. Here are the highlights:

You requested this song so many times Mama and Daddy got sick of it.

You slept in three houses and one cabin in the space of a week. You slept the best in the cabin — a few miles from Lake Huron, no water, no electricity. You slept the worst the final night, when you were sick and overtired and had just met three of Mama’s coolest cousins. 

You attended a party with too many family members to list here. You jumped right in to play with kids who were many years older than you, and enjoyed playing with a giant Jenga set. 

You were introduced to a Magic Eight-Ball. You kept asking it if you needed to pee.

You visited the Henry Ford Museum, where your favorite things were sitting in the driver’s seat of a giant steam locomotive and watching the toy trains go around and around their track. You were so tired from fighting a cold that Daddy had to carry you most of the time, but even so, you didn’t want to leave. 

You held the youngest member of the family, briefly, with a fair amount of help. 

You met roughly seven dogs, and after some angst you decided they were all okay. 

You chowed down on homemade puris — the only new food you tried on the trip. 

You were carried into a chicken coop to take a freshly laid egg from a nest,  and we brought it home safely. The next morning, we cracked it open and compared it to a store-bought egg. You declined to taste it when Mama cooked it up for you. 

You ran free in front yards, back yards, in and out of back doors, and down country roads. 

You loved playing with the sand at the tiny beach at the cabin. You also liked watching Daddy skip rocks. 

You enjoyed a meal at the Black Lake Golf Club, where you dined on corn chips and fries. 

You enjoyed peeing outside at the cabin, and you got really good at it. 

You helped Daddy wash the bugs off the car the day after we got home. 

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Mama Dean’s Advice Corner

Posted in Daily Life, tagged , , on July 30, 2015| 2 Comments »

  I’ve always yearned to be an advice columnist.  I’m not sure how well it would work out. 

 

Dear Mama Dean,

I want to stop yelling at my kids. It makes me feel terrible. What can I do?

Sincerely, 

Guilty in Gloucester

 
Dear Guilty,

Keep your mouth shut. 

*****

Dear Mama Dean,

My kids eat so much junk food, but I don’t know how to stop them. I know it’s not good for them, but they beg for it all the time.

Sincerely,

Flustered in Fargo

 
Dear Flustered,

Stop giving it to them.

*******

Dear Mama Dean,

Sometimes I feel an overwhelming sense of despair at the end of the day. It doesn’t make sense because all I do is hang out with three adorable kids, but I’d really like to improve my mood. Help!

Sincerely,

Blue in Boise

 
Dear Blue,

Pick one: wine, pedicure or yoga. If you’re really in a pinch, pretend you’re on Valium.

*****

Dear Mama Dean,

Hi, it’s Guilty in Gloucester again. Keep my mouth shut!? How am I supposed to do that?! 

 
Dear Guilty,

My advice is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to follow. If you need to, you can put your hand over your mouth at first. I would stay away from duct tape, though. Very tough to remove. 

******

Dear Mama Dean,

My sweet child occasionally turns into a demon, usually right around 5 in the afternoon. How can I handle her without losing my mind?

Sincerely,

Challenged in Chicago

 
Dear Challenged,

This sounds like a job for cartoons. 

*******

Dear Mama Dean,

Hello, it’s Blue in Boise again. I’ve never had Valium; can you tell me what it’s like so I can try pretending that I took some?

 
Dear Blue,

It’s hard to describe, so the best thing I can tell you is to ask your mom friends if they can spare one.  Trust me, someone has a stash. Ask your calmest friend first. 

*****

Dear Mama Dean,

I love taking my kid to the playground, but sometimes the other moms just complain nonstop. How can I get them to stop?

Sincerely,

Fed Up in Fayetteville 

 

Dear Fed Up,

It’s called sisterhood. Look into it. One day you’ll want to enjoy its benefits. 

******

Dear Mama Dean,

My child asked for green beans and then screamed at me when I gave them to him. Should I take him to the doctor?

Sincerely,

Worried in Wichita

 

Dear Worried,

Let me guess — your child is three. Go Google “three is the new two.” Then go buy a case of your favorite wine. You’re going to need it. 

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The Boo Speaks: Music Edition

Posted in Daily Life, Entertainment, Uncategorized, tagged , , on July 22, 2015| Leave a Comment »

  “This sounds like The Clash!” (It was.)

***
“This sounds like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!” (It was Stevie Wonder’s Sir Duke, which also starts with a nice thick blast of horns.)

***
“Who is this?”   “Steven Tyler.”    “That sounds like Stevie Wonder!”

***
“Why is he yelling?” (It was Steven Tyler.)

***

“This is the Rolling Stones. It’s called ‘Time is On My Side. What do you think?”

“It’s yucky.”

***

“I want Red Vines!”

“It’s my turn to pick.”

“Okay Mama. You pick Red Vines.”

***

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Ask a Stay-at-Home Mom

Posted in Daily Life, tagged , , , , on July 10, 2015| Leave a Comment »

Wherein we answer your burning questions about the secret lives of SAHMs, and dispense advice — but only if someone asks for it.



Dear SAHM, 

Why are you people so crazy about pedicures?

Sincerely,

Muddled in Memphis

>Dear Muddled,

It’s not about the feet so much as the opportunity to sit still for 20 minutes and read things like this:

  
Dear SAHM, 

Is it true that you fantasize about cleaning the toilet by yourself? That just seems weird. 

Sincerely,

Stumped in Seattle

>Dear Stumped,

It seems weird to us too, but yes, we yearn to clean the house without “help.” It would take half the time, and with the brain space free from supervising the child, we could fantasize about other things — like inventive ways to cut grocery bills. Not really. Nobody fantasizes about saving money. That would be super weird. Ahem. 

*****

Dear SAHM,

I saw a woman doing a crazy dance in front of a giant display of Goldfish crackers. Was this a SAHM? Is this some kind of secret ritual?

Sincerely,

Amazed in Albuquerque

>Dear Amazed,

That may or may have not been a SAHM, but I can tell you for sure that those Goldfish were on sale. Sounds like a really good sale, too. Where was this?

*****

Dear SAHM,

I overheard some ladies debating which is the worst: Caillou, Thomas or Dora. Can you shed some light on this?

Sincerely,

Freaked out in Fargo

>Dear Freaked Out,

Sure: Caillou is by far the most evil children’s cartoon character ever invented. 

*****

Dear SAHM,

How are Stay-at-Home moms different from working moms?

Curious in Chicago

>Dear Curious,

We don’t go to an office, factory, or other work environment. In fact, we never leave our workplace, even to sleep. We have no official lunch break and no days off, even when we’re sick. Hm, maybe we should unionize…

*****

Dear SAHM,

What’s the best part of staying at home with your kids?

Waiting in Walla-Walla

>Dear Waiting,

Depends on the SAHM. Could be post-nap snuggles, unlimited access to baby feet, or the ability to wear pajama pants all damn day.

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Love and Marriage, Boo-Style

Posted in Daily Life, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on June 29, 2015| 2 Comments »

The officiant at rest.

Yesterday, the Boo wanted to know what getting married meant. I told him that when you love someone very much, you might want to stay with them forever. And if you do, you can ask them if they want to marry you. And if they say yes, you get married. 

This morning, he said he wanted to marry me. 

I said yes, and then we set about finding an officiant. He asked his stuffed tiger, but it said no. Fortunately, the hippo he asked next agreed to perform the ceremony. 

After some very brief vows, the hippo declared us to be married. Then the Boo said, “Now we need to get all married up!” As it turns out, that means that you exchange lots of kisses on various part of your faces. But the kisses only count as kisses if you pop your mouth open really wide like a fish after you give them. 

Shortly after that, he said it was time to get unmarried. We achieved this by taking the kisses off with a special sort of drill. He said it wouldn’t hurt. It didn’t, maybe because I couldn’t even see the drill. 

I negotiated to keep one kiss. 

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State of the Boo: June 2015

Posted in Daily Life, Uncategorized, tagged , , , on June 22, 2015| Leave a Comment »

  You have an imaginary friend. His name is the same as Daddy’s and he seems to be very similar to you, though sometimes he is potty trained and sometimes not. 

You are fond of telling us when other kids are violating some rule or safety guideline. 

You are in the process of dropping your afternoon nap. We know this because when you sleep for longer than an hour you struggle to fall asleep at night and then wake up early. The good news: when your nap is an hour or less, you sleep for 10-11 hours at night. 

You still refuse most veggies and all meat and dairy products, though you did eat most of a snow pea we grew on the deck. 

You are tall enough to turn lights on and off. 

You still adore playing with water and containers on the deck, even in 90-plus temps. 

You are completely potty trained when awake, and wake up dry from naps about 20% of the time. We don’t even have to haul the seat insert with us when we leave the house anymore. 

You asked what a gun is. You were told it’s a very noisy thing for grownups only. The noise is why it’s not allowed in stores or schools or other public places. 

You seem to be enjoying summer camp, though you rarely tell us what you do there. When asked what the music teacher sang one day, you whispered, “it’s a secret.”

You have grown half an inch and gained a pound over the last two months. You are also outgrowing your summer sandals, but happily Mama was able to find the same pair in the next size up. 

You are no longer willing to ride in shopping carts unless you are extremely tired. 

You have seen the original Sesame Street and was amused that Mama liked it so much. 

You went to the science center and spent most of your time there watching the Omnimax projector. When it was time to go, you negotiated to stay until the projector went back up into the ceiling. 

You know that things die when they get old. 

You have asked if your Grammie is going to die. You were told yes, but not for a long time. 

You asked if you were going to die. You were told no, because Mama thinks you already have enough to worry about (you are currently concerned about storms, tornadoes and fires).

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The Big Kiss-Off

Posted in Daily Life, tagged , , , , on June 4, 2015| Leave a Comment »

  

From the time he was small enough to hold with one arm, the Boo’s bedtime routine has consisted of three stages: Reading, singing and kisses. But lately, the kisses have taken over.

In the beginning, of course, he could not return our kisses. Later, maybe around the time he turned two, he started trying to kiss us. He would approach us with his mouth frog-wide-open, smear us with toddler spit, and look very pleased with himself.

At some point, I decided one kiss on his forehead was not enough, and started kissing his cheeks. He began asking me to kiss his nose, chin, ears, and eyes, and I was happy to comply.  Then one night he decided I should have kisses, too.

He gave me kisses everywhere I had kissed him. And now he has teeth, and an overbite, and doesn’t always pucker up, so I brace myself for gentle collisions. Sometimes, he uses my nose as a handle to get to the part of my face he wants to kiss. It hurts, but it always makes me smile because of how practical and serious he is about it. 

Then one night he declared he was out of kisses. But he knew how to get more, he said. He just needed a special key, which he used to open a spot on his chest. Then he put in more kisses, and more and more. Then he retrieved the key, locked the kisses in, and delivered them. 

This is all very charming, and one of my favorite parts of the day, but it takes a long time. So I’ve started cutting back on books and songs on days when I’m feeling super tired or just done with kid time. He doesn’t seem to notice — he’s too busy stocking up on kisses. 

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Key Phrases: A History of Potty Training in Quotes

Posted in Growth & Development, Milestones, tagged , , , , on May 22, 2015| Leave a Comment »

  

Mama, I’m peeing in my diaper!

Are you? That’s very interesting, thanks for sharing that with me. 
Mama, I’m scared. 

I promise you won’t fall in. 

Don’t look at the poop! It’s a private poop. 

Okay, I won’t look at it. 

Mama, I peed on the potty and now I want a gummy bear. 

Wash your hands first. 

I want to poop in a diaper! I want to poop in a diaper! I want to poop in a diaper!

No, honey, you’re a big boy now. 

Are you so proud of me, Mama?

I’m so proud of my big boy!

I don’t want pants! I don’t need pants!

We put on pants when company is coming, honey. 

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Photo Day

Posted in Milestones, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on April 21, 2015| Leave a Comment »

To say that the Boo has grown tremendously throughout his first school year is like saying chocolate is good. Massive understatement. 

In the beginning, he would not only cry when I left but wander around like a lost, weepy lamb. This, despite a goodbye ritual that included a reading of The Very Hungry Caterpillar and a series of kisses and hugs and a lovey to comfort him in my absence. At one point, there was discussion of whether we should pull him out of school for a while. Instead, we decided to try adding a few more tricks to the bag — a photo of me to look at, a favorite CD. It was early November. 

Shortly after we expanded the comfort program, right after Thanksgiving, something clicked for the kiddo. He didn’t cry as I left. He started blowing me kisses goodbye. He began to find his place among his friends. We kept up with reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar, though, partly because I enjoyed it so much — his classmates would cluster around us, chiming in on their favorite parts and beaming like only little kids can beam. 

A few weeks ago we dropped the book reading from the routine. Then we started doing our kisses and hugs in the hallway so the Boo can walk into his classroom like the big boy he’s become. Every time, we stop a bit further away, backing slowly toward more independence. 

One day about a month ago, the Boo came home with a bright orange flyer pinned to his backpack. Photo Day was coming, it said. Here are the 88 choices of print packages. Once I settled on a reasonable option and wrote a check, my thoughts turned to The Outfit. Surely something with a collar for Baby’s First School Photo. Shirt and tie? Polo shirt? 

I decided to involve the Boo by presenting a few possibilities the morning of Photo Day. I explained what a big deal the photo was, that both grandmas would have a copy, that it would be a good idea to wear something fancy. He considered the choices I held up and rejected them all, insisting instead that he wanted to wear the pajama shirt he had on:

 

I didn’t fight him. Why bother, when he picked the perfect reminder of how far he’s come since September?

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Still Here

Posted in Daily Life, tagged , , , on March 16, 2015| Leave a Comment »

Time has been slipping by with occasional thoughts of posting something and now here we are, over three weeks with no post. It’s some kind of record. So here’s what’s been going on:

Ear infection. We’re 3/4 of the way through the second round of antibiotics and have our fingers crossed because that little orifice is hugely disruptive when it’s out of order. Crappy sleep, crabby kid, and let’s not forget all those lovely trips to the doctor. I mean, I love our pediatrician and all, but there are limits. 

Colds. All three of us, in rotation, throughout the entire month of February. Whee!

Allergies. Our winter was so warm there was a mold count almost the entire time. 

February. That month can suck it. Even with V-day and the Boo’s birthday in there, it always kicks my behind until I turn around and say, “Go ahead, keep kicking, only two more weeks, right? I can take it.”

Baby Root Canal. Yep, that’s right, it’s a thing. And it’s the alternative to pulling a tooth when the nerve is dead and causing pain and threatening to blossom into an abscess. The Boo drank his sleepy juice like a champ and came through it just fine. And yes, dopey kids are hilarious. Haven’t laughed that hard in months. 

Time change. No need to say much about this since everyone is already complaining about it. 

Deathaversary. My dad died almost exactly nine years ago. Every year I think it won’t affect me. Every year I am wrongitty-wrong-wrong. Wrong. 

Singing. The Boo has suddenly, like seriously overnight, started singing entire songs. His rhythm is still better than his melody, but they are recognizable songs, yay! He is currently obsessed with London Bridge but also has deep affection Rom Stomp Stomp or whatever you call the kid’s song with “Oh Raffi” in the middle of it. What, is that like an ad for Raffi? That’s just wrong. 

Swimming. We started classes at a new place, and so far it’s an awesome way to chew up a Saturday morning. But I am looking forward to the first time he gets to go to a swimming class without me in the water. Mostly because I don’t enjoy the process of bathing both of us in a tiny shower with a sticky curtain and then dressing in front of strangers. I’d much rather get soaked showering my kid.

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