Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

  I share a lot of sweetness on this blog, and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. This is not a magical house where no one ever yells or makes mistakes. Case in point: the story of the last few days. 

Two days ago, the Boo was in a state of what I can only call emotional overdrive. Every answer that was not to his liking brought tears, hitting, throwing or screaming (thankfully not all at the same time). The high point, drama-wise, was when he hurled a cereal bar across the room because I said “You’ve had a lot of treats today, so that’s not one of the choices right now.”

He ended up losing his cartoon privileges, which made him very sad. I know this because he said, over and over and over, “I’m sad I lost my cartoons, Mama.” And cried. Quite a bit. Initially I comforted him tenderly, but by the 17th time I was mumbling, “Mm-hm.” because as far as I could tell, he just needed to hear himself say it.

Yesterday, pre-nap time was the minefield. He didn’t want to even try to take off his shoes or hang up his jacket, because “I don’t have enough energy, Mama.” When I asked him to try and said I would help him if he needed help, he dissolved in tears. After a while, I said, out loud, “You know what, it isn’t worth it,” and took off his shoes and socks and hung up his jacket. 

But that’s not where the fun ended, oh no. 

On our way upstairs, he asked me a series of questions about the furnace, because that’s his wheelhouse. Questions about mechanical stuff. Sometimes he doesn’t even wait for the answer before he asks another question. He asked a fairly technical question about the humidifier and instead of making up an answer, which is what I do half the time because I get tired of saying “I don’t know,” I was honest and said “I don’t know.”

He screamed at me. Seriously. I turned and looked at him with my right eyebrow raised as far as it would go. I managed to ratchet the eyebrow a bit higher. I turned away and walked into the kitchen. I thought for a moment and said, “I know you’re frustrated but it is never okay to scream at me. If you choose to scream at me again I will not read you any books at nap time.”

He did not scream at me again. Probably because he really loves books. 

He did, however, cry repeatedly about every tiny thing he was unhappy about while I was trying to brush his teeth. Not enough toothpaste. The wrong toothpaste. Me asking him to stop jumping while I brushed his teeth. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and started mock-crying with him. “My fingers are too short, boo-hoo! Waaaaah, my nose itches! Waah, I don’t like that rug!”

Thankfully, my strategy did not backfire. I got him to laugh-cry, and the rest of the day was relatively drama-free. 

Maybe I should have put on a show sooner…

Read Full Post »

You grew an inch in the past six weeks, but did not gain any weight despite consuming spoons of peanut butter on a regular basis. 

You selected the colors for Mama’s most recent pedicure: 

 You started a five-mornings-a-week program at your school and are adjusting well, though Mama has noticed that you are more apt to want to cuddle with her. You also seem to have forgotten how to wash your hands at home. 

You are enthralled by the Madeline books, a taste you come by honestly — Mama loved them when she was your age. 

You talk about death a lot, saying things like, “I don’t want to die,” and “Do you want to die, Mama?” This has been going on, off and on, for at least six months, but this time it’s more intense. We are being honest and kind with our answers, so you know that everyone dies but usually when they’re very old or sick. 

You seem to be enjoying school, though it’s a bit tough to tell since you have made a game of not telling us anything about your day. You insist for example that you don’t know who you sat next to at snack, or that it’s a secret.

You sometimes share details of your day in transitory moments, like the car on the way home from school. The other day you divulged that you had declared your love for a girl in your class. Another day, you excitedly taught Mama a new song while we were walking across the parking lot after school.

You want to go to our little neighborhood park every day. 

You love the Sound of Music soundtrack and know most of the words to most of the songs. We know this because we overhear you singing them when you think we’re not paying attention. 

You have developed a serious nail-biting habit. The paint-on remedy is not doing much to deter you. Mama is considering digging out the teething toys. 

You are reasonably proficient at putting your clothes on, though whenever you get your underwear or shorts backwards you leave them that way, declaring that’s how you like to wear them.

You’ve started your first session of swim lessons without Mama in the water with you, and your teacher says you’re doing great. It helps that you have a buddy from school in the class — so you both have a friend to splash. 

You named a bunch of adults, including Mama and Daddy, when asked who your friends are. 

You asked a teacher — from another class — if she loves you. (She said she does.)

You asked both your teachers if they will miss you when you go home. 

You asked Mama if she misses you when she’s walking down the stairs with you.

You clearly have a lot going on in that sweet little noggin.

Read Full Post »

  
We recently took the Boo on a weeklong road trip to see family in Michigan. I’d been apprehensive about long stretches of car time with a 3.5-year-old, but for the most part he was a fantastic traveler. Here are the highlights:

You requested this song so many times Mama and Daddy got sick of it.

You slept in three houses and one cabin in the space of a week. You slept the best in the cabin — a few miles from Lake Huron, no water, no electricity. You slept the worst the final night, when you were sick and overtired and had just met three of Mama’s coolest cousins. 

You attended a party with too many family members to list here. You jumped right in to play with kids who were many years older than you, and enjoyed playing with a giant Jenga set. 

You were introduced to a Magic Eight-Ball. You kept asking it if you needed to pee.

You visited the Henry Ford Museum, where your favorite things were sitting in the driver’s seat of a giant steam locomotive and watching the toy trains go around and around their track. You were so tired from fighting a cold that Daddy had to carry you most of the time, but even so, you didn’t want to leave. 

You held the youngest member of the family, briefly, with a fair amount of help. 

You met roughly seven dogs, and after some angst you decided they were all okay. 

You chowed down on homemade puris — the only new food you tried on the trip. 

You were carried into a chicken coop to take a freshly laid egg from a nest,  and we brought it home safely. The next morning, we cracked it open and compared it to a store-bought egg. You declined to taste it when Mama cooked it up for you. 

You ran free in front yards, back yards, in and out of back doors, and down country roads. 

You loved playing with the sand at the tiny beach at the cabin. You also liked watching Daddy skip rocks. 

You enjoyed a meal at the Black Lake Golf Club, where you dined on corn chips and fries. 

You enjoyed peeing outside at the cabin, and you got really good at it. 

You helped Daddy wash the bugs off the car the day after we got home. 

Read Full Post »

  I’ve always yearned to be an advice columnist.  I’m not sure how well it would work out. 

 

Dear Mama Dean,

I want to stop yelling at my kids. It makes me feel terrible. What can I do?

Sincerely, 

Guilty in Gloucester

 
Dear Guilty,

Keep your mouth shut. 

*****

Dear Mama Dean,

My kids eat so much junk food, but I don’t know how to stop them. I know it’s not good for them, but they beg for it all the time.

Sincerely,

Flustered in Fargo

 
Dear Flustered,

Stop giving it to them.

*******

Dear Mama Dean,

Sometimes I feel an overwhelming sense of despair at the end of the day. It doesn’t make sense because all I do is hang out with three adorable kids, but I’d really like to improve my mood. Help!

Sincerely,

Blue in Boise

 
Dear Blue,

Pick one: wine, pedicure or yoga. If you’re really in a pinch, pretend you’re on Valium.

*****

Dear Mama Dean,

Hi, it’s Guilty in Gloucester again. Keep my mouth shut!? How am I supposed to do that?! 

 
Dear Guilty,

My advice is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to follow. If you need to, you can put your hand over your mouth at first. I would stay away from duct tape, though. Very tough to remove. 

******

Dear Mama Dean,

My sweet child occasionally turns into a demon, usually right around 5 in the afternoon. How can I handle her without losing my mind?

Sincerely,

Challenged in Chicago

 
Dear Challenged,

This sounds like a job for cartoons. 

*******

Dear Mama Dean,

Hello, it’s Blue in Boise again. I’ve never had Valium; can you tell me what it’s like so I can try pretending that I took some?

 
Dear Blue,

It’s hard to describe, so the best thing I can tell you is to ask your mom friends if they can spare one.  Trust me, someone has a stash. Ask your calmest friend first. 

*****

Dear Mama Dean,

I love taking my kid to the playground, but sometimes the other moms just complain nonstop. How can I get them to stop?

Sincerely,

Fed Up in Fayetteville 

 

Dear Fed Up,

It’s called sisterhood. Look into it. One day you’ll want to enjoy its benefits. 

******

Dear Mama Dean,

My child asked for green beans and then screamed at me when I gave them to him. Should I take him to the doctor?

Sincerely,

Worried in Wichita

 

Dear Worried,

Let me guess — your child is three. Go Google “three is the new two.” Then go buy a case of your favorite wine. You’re going to need it. 

Read Full Post »

  “This sounds like The Clash!” (It was.)

***
“This sounds like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!” (It was Stevie Wonder’s Sir Duke, which also starts with a nice thick blast of horns.)

***
“Who is this?”   “Steven Tyler.”    “That sounds like Stevie Wonder!”

***
“Why is he yelling?” (It was Steven Tyler.)

***

“This is the Rolling Stones. It’s called ‘Time is On My Side. What do you think?”

“It’s yucky.”

***

“I want Red Vines!”

“It’s my turn to pick.”

“Okay Mama. You pick Red Vines.”

***

Read Full Post »

Wherein we answer your burning questions about the secret lives of SAHMs, and dispense advice — but only if someone asks for it.



Dear SAHM, 

Why are you people so crazy about pedicures?

Sincerely,

Muddled in Memphis

>Dear Muddled,

It’s not about the feet so much as the opportunity to sit still for 20 minutes and read things like this:

  
Dear SAHM, 

Is it true that you fantasize about cleaning the toilet by yourself? That just seems weird. 

Sincerely,

Stumped in Seattle

>Dear Stumped,

It seems weird to us too, but yes, we yearn to clean the house without “help.” It would take half the time, and with the brain space free from supervising the child, we could fantasize about other things — like inventive ways to cut grocery bills. Not really. Nobody fantasizes about saving money. That would be super weird. Ahem. 

*****

Dear SAHM,

I saw a woman doing a crazy dance in front of a giant display of Goldfish crackers. Was this a SAHM? Is this some kind of secret ritual?

Sincerely,

Amazed in Albuquerque

>Dear Amazed,

That may or may have not been a SAHM, but I can tell you for sure that those Goldfish were on sale. Sounds like a really good sale, too. Where was this?

*****

Dear SAHM,

I overheard some ladies debating which is the worst: Caillou, Thomas or Dora. Can you shed some light on this?

Sincerely,

Freaked out in Fargo

>Dear Freaked Out,

Sure: Caillou is by far the most evil children’s cartoon character ever invented. 

*****

Dear SAHM,

How are Stay-at-Home moms different from working moms?

Curious in Chicago

>Dear Curious,

We don’t go to an office, factory, or other work environment. In fact, we never leave our workplace, even to sleep. We have no official lunch break and no days off, even when we’re sick. Hm, maybe we should unionize…

*****

Dear SAHM,

What’s the best part of staying at home with your kids?

Waiting in Walla-Walla

>Dear Waiting,

Depends on the SAHM. Could be post-nap snuggles, unlimited access to baby feet, or the ability to wear pajama pants all damn day.

Read Full Post »

The officiant at rest.

Yesterday, the Boo wanted to know what getting married meant. I told him that when you love someone very much, you might want to stay with them forever. And if you do, you can ask them if they want to marry you. And if they say yes, you get married. 

This morning, he said he wanted to marry me. 

I said yes, and then we set about finding an officiant. He asked his stuffed tiger, but it said no. Fortunately, the hippo he asked next agreed to perform the ceremony. 

After some very brief vows, the hippo declared us to be married. Then the Boo said, “Now we need to get all married up!” As it turns out, that means that you exchange lots of kisses on various part of your faces. But the kisses only count as kisses if you pop your mouth open really wide like a fish after you give them. 

Shortly after that, he said it was time to get unmarried. We achieved this by taking the kisses off with a special sort of drill. He said it wouldn’t hurt. It didn’t, maybe because I couldn’t even see the drill. 

I negotiated to keep one kiss. 

Read Full Post »

  You have an imaginary friend. His name is the same as Daddy’s and he seems to be very similar to you, though sometimes he is potty trained and sometimes not. 

You are fond of telling us when other kids are violating some rule or safety guideline. 

You are in the process of dropping your afternoon nap. We know this because when you sleep for longer than an hour you struggle to fall asleep at night and then wake up early. The good news: when your nap is an hour or less, you sleep for 10-11 hours at night. 

You still refuse most veggies and all meat and dairy products, though you did eat most of a snow pea we grew on the deck. 

You are tall enough to turn lights on and off. 

You still adore playing with water and containers on the deck, even in 90-plus temps. 

You are completely potty trained when awake, and wake up dry from naps about 20% of the time. We don’t even have to haul the seat insert with us when we leave the house anymore. 

You asked what a gun is. You were told it’s a very noisy thing for grownups only. The noise is why it’s not allowed in stores or schools or other public places. 

You seem to be enjoying summer camp, though you rarely tell us what you do there. When asked what the music teacher sang one day, you whispered, “it’s a secret.”

You have grown half an inch and gained a pound over the last two months. You are also outgrowing your summer sandals, but happily Mama was able to find the same pair in the next size up. 

You are no longer willing to ride in shopping carts unless you are extremely tired. 

You have seen the original Sesame Street and was amused that Mama liked it so much. 

You went to the science center and spent most of your time there watching the Omnimax projector. When it was time to go, you negotiated to stay until the projector went back up into the ceiling. 

You know that things die when they get old. 

You have asked if your Grammie is going to die. You were told yes, but not for a long time. 

You asked if you were going to die. You were told no, because Mama thinks you already have enough to worry about (you are currently concerned about storms, tornadoes and fires).

Read Full Post »

  

From the time he was small enough to hold with one arm, the Boo’s bedtime routine has consisted of three stages: Reading, singing and kisses. But lately, the kisses have taken over.

In the beginning, of course, he could not return our kisses. Later, maybe around the time he turned two, he started trying to kiss us. He would approach us with his mouth frog-wide-open, smear us with toddler spit, and look very pleased with himself.

At some point, I decided one kiss on his forehead was not enough, and started kissing his cheeks. He began asking me to kiss his nose, chin, ears, and eyes, and I was happy to comply.  Then one night he decided I should have kisses, too.

He gave me kisses everywhere I had kissed him. And now he has teeth, and an overbite, and doesn’t always pucker up, so I brace myself for gentle collisions. Sometimes, he uses my nose as a handle to get to the part of my face he wants to kiss. It hurts, but it always makes me smile because of how practical and serious he is about it. 

Then one night he declared he was out of kisses. But he knew how to get more, he said. He just needed a special key, which he used to open a spot on his chest. Then he put in more kisses, and more and more. Then he retrieved the key, locked the kisses in, and delivered them. 

This is all very charming, and one of my favorite parts of the day, but it takes a long time. So I’ve started cutting back on books and songs on days when I’m feeling super tired or just done with kid time. He doesn’t seem to notice — he’s too busy stocking up on kisses. 

Read Full Post »

  

Mama, I’m peeing in my diaper!

Are you? That’s very interesting, thanks for sharing that with me. 
Mama, I’m scared. 

I promise you won’t fall in. 

Don’t look at the poop! It’s a private poop. 

Okay, I won’t look at it. 

Mama, I peed on the potty and now I want a gummy bear. 

Wash your hands first. 

I want to poop in a diaper! I want to poop in a diaper! I want to poop in a diaper!

No, honey, you’re a big boy now. 

Are you so proud of me, Mama?

I’m so proud of my big boy!

I don’t want pants! I don’t need pants!

We put on pants when company is coming, honey. 

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »

I'm over 50. I'm raising a fifth grader. Sometimes he posts too.

thepeacefulparsnip

My journey to becoming a dietitian and other cool stuff

Bideshi Biya

Living The Road Less Travelled